While I was sitting in the sessions on Saturday I received a message that the person I have written about, who is very close to my family, made another suicide attempt. It's the third time since June. I've been writhing in that tricky mental space that encompasses extreme sadness, frustration, confusion, and also the feeling of just being done. So yesterday I reached out to my friends on Facebook with a rather vague status, asking for prayers and good thoughts. I knew that I needed support, guidance and some extra love.
I usually try not to be so openly asking for help...the stubborn independent being that I am. I like to vent about my problems in a funny way...which helps me get it out, keeps my friends up to date on what is happening in my life, and maybe gives some comfort to others that either need a laugh or just need to see a life that is not a candy-coated stepford-wife existence. But there is nothing funny about suicide. And there is nothing wrong with just plain asking for help sometimes. So I put it out there.
I already knew that I have amazing friends who gather around me in times of both joy and need, but I was still overwhelmed by the love that I have been feeling from this amazing support system that I have. Some are friends that I see in real life. Some are imaginary friends who I have never met. And some are friends who I have only seen a handful of times. All of them are true friends who give of themselves to help others, and took time out of their day to let me know they are in my corner.
I even came home to these beauties:
|We won't discuss how she later popped the head off of the peach carnation, put it in a Ziploc and hung the bag from the fridge...apparently in a plan to re-enact a Caillou episode...NOT as a warning to the other flowers, as I had originally feared.|
I ended my day with the weekly walk that I take with one of my best friends, whom I have been friends with since high school. She isn't on Facebook. The irony is that this makes her appear to be my imaginary friend.
I always feel better after our talks because she knows me so well and has that perfect balance of humour and seriousness. The less enjoyable aspect of our walk is that we often see skunks while we are out. I don't usually wear my glasses when I walk, so we have a familiar rhythm of me clutching her arm while hissing "Skunk or cat? SKUNK OR CAT?!?!?!"
Last night was extra special when a coyote ran through the McDonald's parking lot and stood right in front of us while waiting to cross the road to the Dairy Queen. There is a chicken joke in there somewhere. I swear it smiled at us. D said that it was probably going for dessert. I fully believe that too because every time I try to order ice cream from McDonald's, they have run out. Soon the coyote will wise up and just start at DQ.
Or maybe Dairy Queen sells Acme products?
|photo creative commons from g'pa bill|
Once we were done playing dead, we both realized that I had grabbed her arm, and used her as a shield. I tried to smooth it over by explaining that I was "getting her back", but when a coyote is in front of you, apparently protection of your back is somewhat less of a concern.
With real friends like me, I think she will be joining Facebook soon, in the market for some imaginary ones.